(White-Crowned Sparrow)Theme Song: Blessed Be Your Name
He had survived! I don't know how he did it (must have been doing 40 mph or so when he hit the car), but he was alive and in one piece. He hadn't even broken a wing (when he hit, I think his right side made contact first). I was also amazed at how he came to dive into a car so fast, and out of control as well. But, at the present moment, it wasn't my primary concern. He was still in the middle of the road! Thankfully, it was late in the day and there were hardly any cars going through to run him over. Still, I was concerned for the little guy, and felt sorry for him. I didn't want to pick him up for fear of catching some disease or getting my hand pecked to death, so I gently nudged him over to the side of the road, letting him catch his breath every few moments. He was one exhausted little flier. Finally, he got up enough strength (and fear of me, I think) to fly back to his home tree, where I heard others of his fellows making quite a racket for all they were worth in the late afternoon hours.
Little did I know how much of an impact that story would have on my life. This past week has been utter chaos for me, as I have had to sweat some hard finals and figure out some things about myself due to my performance in those classes that I had the hard finals in. The story for me, simply, is this: I failed 2 classes out of the 4 classes and a lab that I originally signed up for in the beginning of the quarter, namely Vector Statics (ME 214) and Calculus III (MAT 116). When I realized this, I kind of panicked. I had never done that badly before. I let my parents know about the situation, and they said they were OK with it. It started me thinking, though, on where I was in life and where I was going. I came to several realizations:
1. Realization: I am tired of having to take classes several times over just to pass them. I have already retaken Calculus I (MAT 114). If I were to continue on my current plan for my major in Civil Engineering, I would have to retake Calculus III (MAT 116) and Vector Statics (ME 214, a class with a 50% fail rate. That's right. 50%.) over again, as well as other courses like Vector Dynamics (ME 215, 80% fail rate), Strengths of Materials (ME 218), and Hydraulics (CE-whatever it is).
2. Realization: I am tired of attempting to get in to a core course for Civil Engineering 2, 3, or 4 times, and still not getting in. This has happened with several courses: Elementary Surveying (CE 134/L, a gateway course that starts a small series of other related courses; which I tried to register for 4 times and crash it when it started twice, and I never got in), Computers in Civil Engineering (CE 210/L, which I got into after trying to register for it 3 times), and Engineering Economics (CE 301, 3 tries and no successes)
3. Generally accepted as fact: The Civil Engineering department at Cal Poly Pomona is over-burdened. I have found out from my fellow CEs that we have taken on way too many students in the past few years and that we have not hired on enough new faculty. We have hired on some, but it's not enough. Add to this the fact that the head of the department was on sabbatical this Fall Quarter, taking management classes so he could learn how to run the department better. My own academic advisor, who is known to be one of the best teachers in the department, took over for him, and from what I heard, she ran things very well. Anyways, with these factors, it is clear that my staying in this department will likely keep me in school for up to 7 academic years instead of the 5 I had originally opted for.
4. Realization: Just because I have the mind of an engineer does not mean that I have to apply those thinking processes to engineering. My dad is a Senior Electrical Engineer for a county-level government facility. He has been an EE all of my life (graduated from CSULB in 1978, married my mom that year and had me in 1986), and because of him, the thought processes of an engineer were instilled in me. And yes, I could be an engineer in any field because of that. But that does not mean that I will love what I do when I get there. Ergo, I think I can still apply myself mentally in other areas and do just as well, and enjoy doing it.
5. Realization: Just because God is opening up doors for engineering projects to progress, such as High-Speed Rail, does not mean that those doors are mine to walk through. This is probably the most profound thing that God showed me in this past week. I mean, for nearly all of my life, I have wanted to get into the railroad industry. It started when I was very little, and I wanted to drive the trains. When I was in high school, however, I found out that that sort of career would not give me good chances for a good social life--that is, a wife and kids. (I have wanted this since about Freshman year of college). So, I looked at other ways to break into the industry and still have what I wanted. I examined Mechanical Engineering, Industrial Design, even Business. But Civil Engineering attracted me the most because it had the best chances of getting hired by a RR company out of the other choices, and it meant that I could design the layouts of the track and the bridges and etcetera. So when I started applying to Colleges, that was what I selected for my major. I took this idea to God. And God approved of this plan, which included entering the High-Speed Rail Industry after graduation; and glorifying Him with it through showing people that with God, all things are possible. So, I went down this path, for awhile. But now, because of this bomb of a quarter (failing those two classes), I think that I am at a crossroads, and that, if I continue on my current trajectory, there will be more pain and suffering (academically) than I will be able to bear. God is leading me down a different path, and I am going to trust Him to open the doors for me as I walk along it with Him. (More on the different path later.)
6. Realization: Just because God has given me a great and wonderful passion for railroads does not mean that railroads are my life; living for God and to do His will is my life. (Enough said there.)
7. Realization: Just because I am an ENTJ does not mean a darn thing. Yeah, the Meyers-Briggs Test is fun, and for me it's cool to explore because it's a system and I like systems, but in the end, the results mean absolutely NOTHING. Who I'm compatible with, how I interact with people, what I do with myself, all of that I do not need to worry about. God's taking care of that stuff for me, so as long as I trust in Him and speak as He leads me to, I just don't need to worry or care about all of this personality type crap.
SO......
After all of these realizations and talking with God (and others in God) about them, here then is my new course of action: I am changing my major from Civil Engineering to Geography, with the option of Geographic Information Systems (GIS), in which I can still attain a Bachelor of Science degree (as compared to Bachelor of Arts). This will happen next quarter, and will take a little finagling, but I don't mind it. Bonus from this change is that at the latest I will be out of school in Spring of 2009, right on time for a 5-year plan. But I might be out even earlier.
Now, harking back to the story about the sparrow at the top (which is true, but we're gonna put a metaphorical and spiritual spin on it here): I was the sparrow. I hit the car at an unbelievable speed, and fell to the ground (failing those 2 classes this quarter). Somehow, I have survived unhurt. But since I am still on my present course (Civil Engineering), I am still in the middle of the road, trying to catch my breath from what just hit me. Along comes God (me in the real story). He sees me (and has seen it all happen just the way He planned it to) and takes pity on me, and so out of His love and His grace for me, he picked me right up (as opposed to me nudging the bird with my shoe), told me where to fly to, and off I went, straight to where he wanted me to be socially, spiritually, and mentally; and right along with my other fellow followers that were in the same place, all making a joyous racket about Him and His grace. In conclusion, during this quarter, much love and grace has been shown to me. And though there was pain and toil in it, you see, everything has gone according to His plan, and all for His glory. (Speaking in rhymes there and I just don't care... :-) )
There. That's all for this entry. If you've read this far, thanks for reading.
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