Leader in Christ (?)

Music Theme: "Anduril" from "LOTR: Return of the King" Soundtrack

Well, I suppose this first blog of mine here should be about my most recent experience of spiritual growth. Recently (within about the past year), I was challenged by my very good friend Ben to find myself. Specifically, to find myself over the summer break. I took him up on it. But over the summer... I got lazy. And I didn't do it at all. Instead, I came to the realization that, well, Jesus knows who I am, and He found me, and that's good enough for me. I then brought that back to this school year as an excuse for not finding myself. Bad move on my part...

So I start this year off hittin' the ground runnin', with things seeming to be alright. I started off my first year as a Bible Study Leader for Campus Crusade for Christ in Aliso Hall, with my very good friend Hobbit as Co-Leader. I was also in my own Bible Study, led by my very good friend Rabbit, and so far that has been amazing. But I kept putting off finding myself, and as a result, my relationships with other people started to falter. I couldn't seem to fit in with my friends or I felt like I was falling behind in updating my information on them. I was being very reactionary to a lot of things, including finding myself.

These were my protests to doing it:

1. It will take too long
2. It will cause me pain
3. I might not like the results

But these are all very lame protests/excuses, because I can find fault in each of them. In response to the first, well, if I keep procrastinating, it will take too long. As for #2, it will cause pain if I keep putting it off, but it won't cause pain if I at least start the process, because it is a journey of self-discovery, and I do like traveling. Finally, in regards to the last one, if I don't like the results, tough! But I don't have to keep myself that way. I can change things about myself if I feel they need changing. More importantly, I can change them if God tells me that they need changing, refining, eliminating, etc.

Now see, up until this point in time, I have not been able to describe myself in words (or rather, adjectives). Seriously. If you were to ask me in an interview or whatnot, "Describe Yourself," I simply would not be able to do it. You would be seeing me contort my face in confusion and frustration trying to find a good set of adjectives in order to respond. I'd be drawing blanks.

"How does this factor into your Relationship with God?" You ask. Good question. Well, to answer that, lets take a look at three things concerning that relationship.

1. God loves me. I'm cool with that.
2. He knows me. I'm down with that, too.
3. He has a plan for me. Definitely ok with that one!
4. In order for me to keep my relationship with God going, I need to show others His love. What's the best way of doing that? By loving others. How does one love others? Well, part of that is loving yourself. How does one love oneself? By knowing oneself. I don't know myself very well. PROBLEM!!!

This is not to say that I am taking the present-day psychological theory of loving myself before loving others. To the contrary, my first priority below loving Christ is loving others. But if I do get to know and understand myself better, I will not get as easily frustrated and let myself get in the way of loving others. In fact, that will make loving others easier and better for me!

But let's not be so vague about this subject. On to specifics!

I have been told all my life, through various means and ways, that I am a "leader"-type personality.

• My Zodiac Sign by year and month: "Flaming Tiger, these people make great leaders."
• My Astrological Sign: Aries; I think there's something in there about being a leader...
• Online surveys I've taken when I had a Myspace account: leader.

Every time that has happened, I have denied it. This is because I have seen what previous leaders have done wrong, and I don't want that life. Much like Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings trilogy not wanting to be King because of what his ancestors had done in their reign ("They corrupted the blood of men and broke their own lines by taking glory for themselves, killing themselves and not bearing sons"), even though he was the rightful heir!

Also, I have not liked those results because deep down somewhere I don't want a test or survey defining who I am. They are foreign substances to Chirst and because Christ is my first priority, I will not have anything else competing for it.

Anyways, about a week and a half ago, I had two major talks about "finding myself". One was with Rabbit, in which I voiced my objections to finding myself (listed above). He said I should still do it, and I kinda brushed it off, and I shouldn't have done that, but I was frustrated about it. Then I talked with my good friend PC and we had a long tak about it. We came to the conclusion that I need to find myself in order to know better who I am, but instead of something else defining me, why not let Christ do it? So all I needed to do was ask God, "Who am I?" and he would answer?! This sounded much easier to do and exactly in line with my priorities, so I did it. I prayed to God that he would tell me who I am in Him, and that it would happen very soon. And in the near future after that, I got my answer.

The next day (Friday), I met with my discipler, Chris Camping (a.k.a. "Camping", also my Bible Study Leader from last year), and explained my situation to Him over lunch (first tuna melt sandwich I ever had... mmm, they're good). After the meal, he had me sit down at his computer and take an online Myers-Briggs personality test to help me get started. When I finished, I came out ENTJ (Extravert-Introversion-Thinking-Judging). It labled me as a leader; specifically, "A Field Marshal". I laughed at that and thought, "Yeah, that's pretty much me." (I have toyed with the idea of being some sort of military general, like Patton, "being a primadonna about leading things and knowing it", loving the work I do, etc.) It also said that "ENTJs make up 1.8 percent of the population." That made me think, "Wow. I'm in a really small percentage of the population personality-wise? Well, that's kinda cool, and I suppose it might explain alot of things, but I'm not sure I want to be in that small a sliver..." You see? I was starting to deny it again. But then, when I was talking to Camping about it, we came to the conclusion that this was an accurate description of my personality, and that I should think about it. Perhaps that was what Christ defined me as, or at least a start on it.

So, I went home, because I usually go home one weekend each month. Despite having my car break down and getting towed, and being busy with family and other things I wanted to do while I was at home, I let the thoughts about that test and everything else behind it simmer in my head for awhile. When I found breaks at home that weekend, I sat down and thought some more about it. And I came to some very different conclusions about leadership, things I had never thought about before...

• The bad parts about leadership (corruption, making wrong choices when knowing better, etc.) can be more associated with ruling, not leading.
• I am not a ruler, certainly not. Christ is the ruler of my life.
• One can still be a leader and not a ruler. This could mean a leader under a ruler. If I am a leader, I am under Christ, my ruler.
• If I am to be a leader, I would be in there with Christ to show other leaders how one can lead and not be corrupt.
• I am Neil Mullins, Leader in Christ.

Wait a minute. What was that I just said? I am a "Leader in Christ"? I like the sound of that. (This thought was made awhile ago, not now.)

So.Just as Aragorn accepted his heirship to the throne when he accepted the sword Anduril from Lord Elrond in Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, I have finally come to terms with who Christ says I am and I have accepted it. Praise be to Jesus, my Lord and God! Now, I have a base for finding myself. I can take a look at all the words that are under that title and see which of them fit me Then I can describe myself! And, though that phase of the process hasn't started yet, I have a base for it now. A jumping-off point if you will. I can't wait to see what else God has in store for me with that.

It's finally begun... yesss!!!